Consent + why asking for it matters
From the Archive
This piece was written several years ago during my earlier work with horses. The reflections around consent, choice and agency continue to shape how I think about relationships with animals today.
“True power is not a rodeo. It is the product and the gift of seasoned self awareness.”
~ Linda Kohanov
Recently I spent some time working with a young gelding who had a very clear sense of personal space. That interaction sparked some reflections about consent, control and choice when we work with horses.
Consider a simple human example.
Imagine a stranger walking up to you in the street and suddenly giving you a big hug or slapping you on the back. Most people would find that uncomfortable, even intrusive. Why? Because there was no invitation, no signal that such contact was welcome.
Consent matters.
Yet when interacting with horses we often overlook this entirely. Horses are sentient animals with nervous systems, emotions and the capacity to form relationships. They are highly perceptive and sensitive to the signals around them.
Despite this, many of our interactions with horses occur without any genuine conversation about whether the horse is comfortable with what we are asking.
Instead we often operate from a cultural assumption that the horse will simply “get over it”.
The young gelding I worked with that weekend reminded me how important it is to question that assumption.
His name was Thor, a five year old Percheron who had been backed only once previously. From the beginning it was clear that he had a very defined personal bubble. When someone entered that space he became tense. His breathing shortened and his body tightened.
During our session I reached out a few times to stroke him. Each time he offered a subtle but very clear response.
A twitch through the muscles.
A small flinch.
A brief holding of the breath.
A slight lifting or turning away of the head.
None of these reactions were dramatic. He remained polite and composed. But the message was unmistakable.
He was uncomfortable.
Pushing through that response would have achieved very little. When pressure replaces communication, horses tend to respond in one of two ways. They either escalate into reactivity or they shut down entirely. Neither outcome produces a genuine relationship.
So instead I stopped and shifted my approach.
Rather than insisting on my agenda, I chose to work within his comfort zone. I allowed space and waited for him to indicate when he was ready for contact.
The change was immediate.
As the pressure to accept my touch disappeared, his tension softened. Within a short time he leaned toward me on his own initiative. By the end of the session his body had relaxed, his breathing had slowed and he followed me to the fence, choosing to remain close.
Nothing complicated had happened.
The only real change was that I respected his boundaries and allowed him a choice.
Consent does not mean the horse will always say no. In many cases the opposite occurs. When animals feel safe and empowered to make choices, their willingness to engage often increases.
And when a horse does say no, that information is valuable.
A refusal is simply feedback in the conversation. It might indicate confusion, discomfort, fear or pain. It might suggest that our communication is unclear or that the task needs to be broken into smaller steps.
Respecting that feedback strengthens trust.
Horses are social animals with a strong drive to connect. Offering them choice and control can become inherently reinforcing. Behaviour scientist Dr Susan Friedman often explains that control itself functions as a primary reinforcer. Like food or shelter, the ability to influence one's environment strengthens behaviour.
When we allow horses a degree of control and choice, we empower them rather than diminish them.
In many ways consent becomes a deposit into what we might think of as a trust account. Trust is not something we take from animals. It is something we earn gradually through our actions.
A true relationship with a horse is always a two way interaction.
How that relationship looks is ultimately up to us.
“Only when we listen and adapt to animals can we give them freedom to choose. A solid reinforcement history, a strong relationship and clear communication give learners the feeling of having choice.”
~ Ken Ramirez