Lessons of the Horse || Of Fear + Trust
From the Archive
The following article is the second instalment of a series originally published in Local Horse Magazine in 2014.
At that time most of my work centred around horses, but many of the ideas I explored then about behaviour, trust and relationship continue to shape the way I think about animals today.
In the first article of this series we discussed the importance of building a solid foundation, both in our own lives and in our work with horses.
You might now be wondering where that effort leads, and what benefits you or your horse actually gain from all that hard work.
Let us reconsider what our horses are teaching us, particularly when we are starting with a young horse.
What does a carefully constructed foundation really achieve?
At its heart, it builds trust and understanding. Alongside these come qualities such as softness, calmness and mutual respect. Once trust and understanding are established, fear begins to dissolve naturally.
Achieving this requires consistency, good timing, repetition, kindness, calmness and appropriate rewards. The goal is simple. We want trust to outweigh fear.
Should we not aim for relationships based on trust and respect rather than fear, not only with our horses but with each other as well?
What is fear?
Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
When fear begins to control us, it limits our experience of life. Opportunities pass us by and our learning becomes restricted.
Horses, like people, often fear what they do not understand. This lack of understanding is frequently connected to change.
Change creates confusion, and confusion often triggers fear based reactions.
Horses express fear in different ways, just as people do. Some individuals are naturally more sensitive or cautious than others and past experiences can also shape how strongly fear appears.
Perhaps you introduce a tarp during training and the horse has never encountered one before. Perhaps you change the environment or ask the horse to perform something unfamiliar. Maybe the horse felt comfortable working quietly in the round yard and suddenly the situation has changed.
Do you see where this is heading?
Understanding and acceptance of change nurtures trust. Once trust grows, fear begins to fade and confidence can develop.
We often see signs of this shift when a horse becomes softer. The body relaxes. The head lowers. The ears soften. You may see licking and chewing as tension leaves the system.
It becomes clear that a solid foundation cannot be built on fear, confusion or lack of understanding.
What about us?
Fear is a surprisingly sneaky emotion in humans. It rarely presents itself in obvious ways.
It can appear as procrastination, apathy, denial, low motivation, lack of confidence or the familiar pattern of “I cannot do it because”.
Consider relationships.
Healthy relationships are built on trust, understanding and respect. This applies whether we are speaking about friendships, romantic relationships or our partnerships with animals.
Fear prevents genuine connection. Fear of being hurt, fear of failure or fear of loss often arises when there is uncertainty, confusion or lack of trust.
To be a trustworthy partner or friend requires integrity. Lies, manipulation or aggression create confusion and distrust. When these elements appear early in a relationship, whether human or horse, they create unstable foundations.
Strong relationships are built gradually, from the ground up, through understanding, acceptance and trust.
Trust
Trust is a powerful force. In many ways it may even be more powerful than love.
It is possible to love someone and still not trust them.
Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, honesty, ability or strength of another being. Whether we are working with horses or navigating human relationships, trust is often the hardest thing to gain and one of the easiest things to lose.
Once broken, rebuilding trust requires patience and effort. Sometimes it may never fully return.
Both horses and people remember how they have been treated.
Our actions matter.
Lessons hidden in fear
Fear often contains important lessons. When we acknowledge fear rather than resisting it, understanding begins to emerge. From that understanding, trust can grow.
Next time you feel fear beginning to rise, try simply observing it.
Anyone who has tried to physically hold onto a frightened horse knows what happens when we grip tighter. The struggle usually becomes stronger.
If instead we allow the horse to move forward and release that tension, the fear often dissolves on its own.
The same pattern can occur in life.
When we release our grip on fear and begin to trust the natural movement of life, we allow ourselves to see opportunities that may have been hidden before.
A friend once told me that he tries to do one thing every day that scares him. There is wisdom in that approach.
When fear loosens its hold and trust begins to grow, life opens.
© Mel Spittall